Stress

I read a security article a while back about a company who wanted to install stress-measuring devices at the security checkpoints in airports. The idea was that a genuine bad guy who is trying to smuggle a bomb or something onto a plane would be really stressed out when going through security, and these devices would be able to detect this stress, thus leading (so they claimed) to his capture. If the airports we went through had had this system, it would have flagged me as a bad guy. Visualize the four of us going through security...

Ok, where's the passports? Put the right boarding pass in each one. Take your coats off, kids, and put them here. Now take your shoes off and put them here. Ok, get these carry-ons onto the belt. What? All electronic devices must be taken out? Oh, jeez, I've got a Time Capsule and a Wii in there. Which bags where they in? Where's the keys? That's right, I put my keys and watch and ring in my coat pocket. Oh no! I already put my coat through the scanner. Ann, here, hold the passports. Now you go first to make sure no one scarfs our stuff on the other side. Ok, kids, hand me your bags. Now you two go through the scanner. Put the carry-on bags through the scanner. Put the personal bags through. Put the laptop and camera through. What? Why didn't you make it through the scanner, kids? Oh! Duh. I forgot the iPod in its little case on your belt. Sorry, mister-who-is-in-line-right-behind-me, I'll get all these bags through any minute now. (Really, didn't you see all our stuff? You shoulda chosen the other line, I think.) Ok, kids, back through the scanner. There, is that all the bags? Did I forget something? My turn through. Wait, where's my passport? Doh, I gave that to Ann, and she's on the other side. Oh, that lady on the other side of the doorframe has it. Whew. Thank you. Oh oh! Why is there a red light on that machine scanning our bags? Sure, I don't mind. You can take my daughter's bag over there and give it an extra special scan. Yes, I'd be very glad to stand exactly right here and not move and not reach out and grab the bag while you search it. Oh. Sigh. A water bottle from the last flight. I guess we forgot to take that out. I'm really sorry. Yes, it's totally our mistake, and we won't make it again. Yes, please feel free to re-scan the bag. Ok, so do we have all our stuff? Count the bags again. Count the kids again. Everyone get your shoes on. C'mon, let's move out of the way of the other passengers. Ok, let's repack Time Capsule and the Wii. Who's got the passports and boarding tickets? Where's my watch and ring again? Exhale. We made it. Now, where's our gate?

We did this in Norfolk, LA, and Bangkok. It was easily the most stressful part of the trip.